"Sega is Japanese for compulsive liar."
-The Gord
Many years ago, I'm thinking some time during the mid to late 90s, I was a user of a forum on the official Blizzard Entertainment website called The Diablo II Suggestions forum. Do not be fooled by the name, no employee of Blizzard ever read the forum nor did any "suggestion" ever posted there make it into Diablo II. Rather it was a place for people who had grown bored with using hacks and cheats on the multi-player Diablo servers to go to rant, troll and generally make total asses of themselves. This forum was where I met a man named "Damocles" who was an obvious Sega Fanboy. Sega Fanboys were known even then to be some of the most obnoxious, ignorant and gullible fanboys on the internet and Damocles was no different. He insisted that because Sega was currently planning a new console that would use an operating system based on windows, Blizzard HAD to port Diablo II onto this new console. Also, they needed to release it there first and maybe not even bother with a PC version because Damocles was 100% sure this new console would make all other forms of gaming obsolete and Sega would quite possibly rule the enitre world by the year 2001 despite the massive failures of every other piece of hardware they had released in the last five years (Sega CD, Sega 32X and the Sega Saturn being just a few well-known examples). Damocles was rapidly driven out of the forum by the internet version of a mob of angry villagers with torches and pitch forks.
But that was not enough. Not for me. I could hardly believe that some people in this world could be so foolish and so blind to events happening around them as to still believe Sega to be a decent company. Could these people not see that Sega was quite possibly one of the most incompetent game developers out there? That their games were the gaming equivalent of dumb blonds, with flashy graphics but no real depth or quality? That their company was obviously concerned only with selling crappy hardware that would be outdated and upstaged by something better within less than six months? Meeting the evil doer known as Damocles was my wake up call. Apparently there were people who were so stupid they were unable to process events that were unfolding right in front of their very faces. People so stupid that they were unable to see they were worshiping false idols which existed only to drain their walltes and damage their brains. On that day I ceased to be who I once was and became someone new. I became Sega Slayer.
Yes, THE Sega Slayer. The bane of the Sega community. The man who is hated and reviled in every AOL chat room. The man who is spoken of in a fearful and hushed whisper on the official Sega forums. The man who has left his mark in every Sega related guest book on the internet. The man who... well you get the idea. I made it my mission in life to troll, insult and harass every Sega Fanboy I could find. Down through the years my quest took me into the deepest and most frightening bowels of the internet. I was banned from AOL more than once. I received cease and desist letters atleast once a year. I mocked every website I could locate which was made using a Dreamcast and the Yahoo Geobuilder. I spoke more frequently on the evils of animated gif files than perhaps any other user of the internet, a sin I even committed myself during the early days of my adventure. The only Sega Fanboys who did not encounter me were the lucky ones.
But after many years I eventually grew tired of the mantle of Sega Slayer and gave it up. Sega had been bought out by another terrible Japanese game publisher named Sammy and the resulting company was renamed Sega/Sammy Holding Co. Sega no longer existed as a company, yet continued to live on in eternal shame as a brand name stamped on every half-assed 3D Sonic game where he would turn into a werewolf or tank. The once mighty video game empire had fallen and even its most diehard supporters were fleeing into the night, unwilling to watch their beloved childhood memories be raped by such horrible sequels. The world needed the Sega Slayer no longer.
For many years this site went unupdated, unused and unloved. I had resolved to keep it online as a symbol. A reminder to the entire gaming community and industry of what happens when a seemingly mighty company loses sight of what is important and becomes blinded by their own greed and lust. But the site was large and poorly organized. Much of the critical information was lost among the "debates" I had had with Sega Fanboys down through the years. Chat logs full of profanity and repeated attempts to insist that "Blast Processing" was real were funny, but hardly worthy of being remembered.
And so I had a new quest: To choose which parts of my site should be preserved for future generations to enjoy and which parts should be allowed to retire with me. The site you see before you now is the result of that quest. For those that wish to see the original site in all its glory (or lack of it) the Internet Archive is your friend. For the rest of us who just want to see the cliff notes of what made my website worth the time to read in the first place (or more to the point, why so many Sega Fanboys hated me) the articles you see below are what you need to see.
Well, thats all folks! Don't Email me! And as Grant said when I stole his EOS MP3 Mailing List: You all suck and I never liked any of you!