"Sega ran blindfolded into hell after 1993"
-Urban Dictionary

My Favorite Moments in Anti-Sega History

In addition to the various major sections of my site I decided to keep online, there were also numerous other moments in the history of the Anti-Sega movement that I think need to be recorded but each by itself is not enough to have its own personal section here on my site. The following mini-sections are just various scraps that I personally wanted to keep posted on the site. Most are probably from my own site, but a few may be from other sites as well or just bits of chat logs or comments I heard down through the years.

Jomo the Yeti

Jomoyeti: this chat room is horrible
YourGodShouldDie: I Agree with Jomo
Sega Slayer: Jomo is a yeti! Don't agree with him!
Jomoyeti: i'm actually a homosexual
Vroz420: Then leave faggot
Jomoyeti: i think i will
Vroz420: bye homo
Jomoyeti: it's funny because i really am gay
jomoyeti has left the room.

The worst Guest Book entry EVER!

Name: [FF]LordDAXVader
Email: (Blank)
URL: http://FloodFighters.tk (A site that no loonger exists. What a shock...)
How did you find the site?: Click here to see the thread he got my link from(probably more interesting if you can read German)
What Sega systems do you own?: DC,Genesis, Game Gear , Master System , Mega CD 1 , Nomad
What are your comments on the site?: You don like anything but PS2???? Very big lol!! PS2 = gaystation2!!! XBOX and Halo will kick Sonys ass! Sony go home and develope Walkmans what you did at the beginning!!! And please let other brands , which are good at developing consoles

You are probably wondering why this was worth remembering. Mostly because it sucks. But really because it was the common attitude of 99.9% of Sega fanboys back in those days. They all assumed that anyone who didn't like Sega obviously had to be a fnaboy of either Sony, Nintendo or Xbox. For the record, I don't like any of those three. Not then and even less so now. I've always been a PC gamer to the core. I only briefly liked the original Playstation and SNES when they were in their glory days, but I've out grown that now.

Another interesting note about this guest book entry was that it was also the common attitude of European visitors to my site. For some Bizzare reason the "Mega Drive" (what they call the Genesis) is still popular in Europe and even in parts of Asia and the Middle East. So people from those parts of the world STILL aren't aware of how badly Sega fucked up with every system made after that and are STILL rabid Sega fanboys because of it. They are only just now starting to catch up.

Awful Sega Games

Before the release and ultimate faliure of the Dreamcast, many Sega fanboys still had faith that Sega was somehow going to make a come back and show people like me how wrong we were about Sega and its clearly insane fan base. After that didn't work out so well for them, Sega fans had to change strategy in order to defend their obsession with one of the worst game developers of all time. The new common defense was "Well... Sega may not make such great hardware but their games are still good!" As you can image I got very tired of hearing about Sonic 1, Sonic 2, Phantasy Star, Panzer Dragoon and Shenmue every single fucking day so I finally decided to remind Sega fonboys of the fact that for every halfway decent game Sega makes, Sega also made about 30 others that were total shit. This lead to a section of my site where I would link to reviews of the worst Sega games I could find along with embarassing quotes about just how abhorrent those games were. Below are a few of my favorites:

Altered Beast
"The original Altered Beast is perhaps one of the most overrated releases in retrospect, as its legacy has built up over the years. Yet when you actually discuss the memorable and influential games of the Mega Drive era, it is rarely - if ever - mentioned. The gameplay in the original was extremely limited, and more often than not you just bypassed the incidental enemies to dash towards the next boss encounter (and many simply recall the game because it was given away free when you bought the machine). The Mega Drive version was simplistic, repetitive and shortlived - which begs the question: why the remake?"

Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg
"If the game has a redeeming quality, it's that the graphics are smooth and fast-moving, which should be par for the course for the Sonic developers. Otherwise, it's hard to imagine anybody but small children enjoying Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg."

D2
"I have never, ever seen a story as stupid and pretentious as the one in D2. In the credits Eno thanks Hideo Kojima (famed Metal Gear Solid producer), yet nothing about D2 comes close to matching Kojima's masterpiece. That's sad, considering D2 has been in development for a much longer time and occupies more discs. Every once in a while we're treated to live footage of violence in the world while Mother Earth instructs Laura to do junk. Eno tries so hard to tie a political message into this tripe, but none of it connects. D2 is basically a bad, terrible, gut wrenchingly awful art film. With mutant aliens. And clones. And dinosaurs. And miracle makeup compacts."

Eighteen Wheeler
"I can’t even recommend Eighteen Wheeler: American Pro Trucker as a rental, unless you plan on renting something else, too. You’ll be very upset after you’ve had it home for two hours and you’ve already cleared everything there is to be cleared. A couple rounds of the Versus mode will satiate that curiousity, and you’ll be back at the video store, hopefully before it closes."

Ghen War
"I had no idea what this game would be like, but after watching a 10 minute crappy movie scene, I knew it would be similar to the countless horrible Sega CD games."

Golden Axe: The Duel
"First, Sega gave us Golden Axe, and it was good; it was a top-selling side-scrolling slash-em-up with plenty of action, violence, and character. Next, Sega gave us Golden Axe II, and it was more of the same, but decent nonetheless. Then, Sega churned out Golden Axe III, and it was, uh, not that great. Even though gamers seemed to have had enough Golden Axe, Sega cranked out yet another title in the franchise, only this time in a one-on-one fighting game format."

Last Battle
"Otherwise, you're stuck doing things the hard... and slow... way. With all the mandatory labyrinth-trudging and punch/kick/punch/kick two-move battles, only the easily-amused folks shall find entertainment within!"

NFL '97
"The Saturn is weak in the sports genre outside of baseball. There were quite a few sports games developed for the system but many of them suffered from one problem or another. NFL '97 is another one of those games, but this one is one of the worst and will likely make you go 'Huh? Is this really a 32-bit game?'"

Sega Arcade Gallery
"All four games, in their time, were developed with one sole purpose; to extract money from its arcade audience. The best way to do that, in those days, was to make damned sure the games were over pretty quickly."

Sega Bass Fishing Duel
"The music sounds like bad porno music. Not ordinary porno music. Bad porno music. There are also both male and female voice actors that say things like, 'A big one's coming near! Be careful!' They are among the worst voice actors in any game, ever."

Sega Classics Collection
"Though if you wanted to put it plainly and, well, honestly, you could just say that these are 10 awful remakes of old Sega games that will only serve to infuriate their intended audience."

Sega Rally Championship
"Sega Rally only offers the player two cars to drive, has a clumsy interface, and lacks features common to even the least ambitious PC driving games."

Sega Superstars
"If nothing else, this game only reminds you of how great Sega used to be, and makes you wonder why some of these great games and characters aren't being utilized in a better way."

Shadow the Hedgehog
"If you've played previous 3D Sonic titles (Adventure 1 and 2 and Heroes) you'll know roughly what to expect: Linear levels that guide you straight forwards at all times, clumsy lock-on spin attacks, awkward jumping sections, a bad camera system, frame rate problems, ugly visuals and poor voice acting. Throw in some poor melee combat, shocking vehicle sections and a load of guns, and you have one of the messiest games Sega has ever released."

Sonic 3D Blast
"Though Sonic 3D Blast was designed to be the Sega Genesis's last hurrah, PC owners will find it an inherently underwhelming experience."

Spikeout: Battle Street
"Spikeout: Battle Street is trying very hard to kick it old-school. It hearkens back to a simpler time, when Final Fight and Streets of Rage were king, and walking around with the sole purpose of beating the living crap out of anyone in your way was the order of the day. Sounds cool, right? Unfortunately, this would-be renaissance is marred by a pretty serious problem. The game itself is lousy."

Virtua Striker 2
"Worst of all are the unspeakable evils, so diabolical that the merest rose petal brush with a hinting of their existence irrevocably damages the persons so contaminated. They have the dangerous, malignant capacity to spread and destroy like a plague. Such nameless evils are, fortunately, rare and those who contact them usually have the wisdom to smash them immediately to tiny pieces, burn the pieces, ground the ashes to powder and bury the single grains of remaining carbon separately in the deepest darkest pits from whence they’ll never see the light of day, usually meeting their own heroic destruction by this selfless act. Virtua Striker 2 is just such an evil and there appears to have been no hero to contain it."

Zombie Revenge
"Programming a gunshot or a haymaker shouldn't be rocket science. Unfortunately, it evidently is within some parts of Sega Product Development."

And last but surely not least... a comment from an article about old Sega games:

Bend over for Sega!
I loved Phantasy Star on the SMS--read my review if you like. I ran out and bought Phantasy Star II when it was released in 1990...apparently I had forgotten that Zillion 2 sucked ass compared to the fantastic Zillion. Phantasy Star II wasn't that great. In point of fact, it just barely missed being branded as "totally sucking." I was 15 at the time. Fast-forward and rewind a touch to the summer of 2000. "Maybe you just didn't appretiate PS2 'cause you were too young," I told myself, contradicting the memory. So, I went out and bought Phantasy Star II, III, and IV. And, you know what? I was right the first time: PS2 does mostly suck, except that now, after Chrono Trigger, Earthbound, and Final Fantasy II, PS2 has graduated to the infamous "totally sucks" category.

Its Amazing How Much Sega Sucks

Here is a quote from a little geocities websites that existed WAYYYY back in the day, shortly after the death of Saturn (oustide of Japan) but still several years before the release of the Dreamcast. You might call this the "Playstation Era" of home console system history, as the only real competition Playstation had at the time was from the Nintendo 64. The reason I've kept this little article alive even when its own creator didn't bother is because it makes some very insightful (if blunt) points about exactly what kind of people would buy a Sega product back in those days. My favorite is the "Impatient Fool" who buys a system just because its new and the next system is several years/months/weeks away. This has a lot of truth to it.

You see, Sega released the Genesis two years before Nintendo released the SNES. This, combined with Sega's propaganda campaign about "Blast Processing" technology which never existed gave them a foothold which they fought tooth and nail to keep for the rest of the 16-bit era. As a result of their "success" in the 16-bit era Sega learned two things. First, you can lie to your own fanbase and get away with it (this part being true only because Sega's fanbase is made of the most gullible people who ever lived). And secondly, if you release early you get a foothold. This second part didn't hold true for Sega however, as they followed the same tactics with the Saturn and Dreamcast by releasing both systems early and neither system was accepted by consumers. The reasons why are multitude and a discussion best saved for later. Suffice to say, that after the failure of the Saturn as well as numerous other products like the 32X, Sega CD, Game Gear and others, consumers were wary of sega. This website was an excellent example of the common attitude toward Sega and Sega owners during that era of history.

By: JT Mutilator.

Comments: This group of people makes up the majority of Sega owners. Due to their low intelligence, they actually believe sega's ad campaign, and get suckered into buying a sega product. These gullible fools will believe anything. Often these people will say to the owner of a SNES "yeah, but Super Nintendo doesn't have blast processing", and then they will get all smug and cocky, as if blast processing actually existed. Even when presented with the specs comparing sega to everything else, these people can look you right in the eye and say with a straight face "Sega is so much better". These people need to be shot. They have no clue what the fuck is going on around them. This is the group that keeps sega in business. Sega relies on america's stupid people to buy their games and keep them producing more shitty games.

The "Sonic Torturesses" Incident

This is the kind of website I would almost applaud for if it weren't so fucking bizzare.

I discovered this awful Devian-TART site a long time ago and made it one of my "Awful Sega Sites" links. These weird teenage girls claim to be fans of Sega and Sonic the Hedgehog GAMES, but not Sonic in general. They work out the angst created by this bizzare contrast of opinions by drawing awful artwork of Sonic being killed in various ways.

What I want to know is why does all of their artwork involve Sonic being killed by snow in some format?

Atleast their site has not been updated since a failed contest they had in 2005 so we no longer have to tolerate this crap.

Sega Fanboys vs Something Awful

I was making fun of Sega Fanboys back before making fun of Sega Fanboys was cool. But Something Awful quickly jumped on the bandwagon once it became popular and since then they have echoed many of my opinions on how foolish and bizzare Sega Fans can be. In addition to making Paulos an awful link of the day (twice) they also mocked Sega Fans in general on several occasaions. Here are a few of my favorite articles from their site.

The 7 Most Awful Things to Happen to the Internet, #6: Sonic the Hedgehog

"These days there is a lot to dislike about Sonic the Hedgehog. Gone are the fun games, gone is the endearing character with a little bit of attitude. The Sega games have grown worse with each generation of consoles and his character more bizarre. He's been in multiple unwatchable cartoons and appeared in a number of mediocre comics. Sonic and his supporting cast of dozens of annoying characters generated by Sega rule over a rickety media empire of excrement. It would all be pretty routine for a 90s era gaming franchise on its last legs, if it weren't for the way it has translated onto the Internet. To find the real nightmare Sonic the Hedgehog has wrought you need only log onto your computer and open up your Internet browser. His fans have vomited their inner filth onto the web for everyone to see. Sonic the Hedgehog fans fall into one or more of three categories. I have outlined them in this easy-to-understand Venn diagram."

"Sonic's Wikipedia fan base has corrupted the web 2.0 encyclopedia with a staggering amount of useless information. More than 200 Sonic the Hedgehog-related articles detail every possible character and bit of minutiae in his universe. Many of these articles explore topics totally without merit to anyone that is not researching Sonic the Hedgehog for a graduate-level research paper. Did you know, for example, that Silver the Hedgehog is 100 centimeters tall? Of course you didn't know that, because you aren't motherfucking insane."

The rest of the article goes on to talk about the "complete sexual degenerates" category of Sega Fanboy. For those of you out there in internet land who weren't aware of the existance of Sonic porn, you are aware of it now.

Sega of America Boards

For a while Something Awful had a weekly thing where they would make fun of shitty forums and the weirdos who populated them. It was only a metter of time before the official Sega forums became their next target. Here are a few "funny" posts they found on the forum:

"Remember when Sonic was cool? Well now he isn't."

"Did he actually get more gay?"

"felisbino thought he was king nerd when he posted this thread and he got outnerded right off the bat."

Sega Fanboys React

Of course, like most groups targeted for harassment by Something Awful the Sega fanboys saw neither the humor of the assault or the truth behind it, so their reaction was to lash out in the most absurdly nerdy way they could think of. I have come to expect no less from them.

I could hardly believe it when Something Awful failed to post this outrageously foolish letter on their site for a proper mocking. Some of SA's best content is their older stuff where they would harass people and give them a chance to react to the harassment which was just another oppertunity to make even bigger fools of themselves. This "Bokkun" guy was just asking to have this done to him but SA didn't bother to give him the beating he deserved. Lack of this kind of fluid comedy is one of the reasons their site has really been going downhill over the last few years. But I guess thats a discussion for another day.

"Anyone who has AIM can IM you!"

DDiabloMaster90: THEN WHO THE HELL R U TO IM ME
Sega Slayer: I'm a guy who has AIM.
Sega Slayer: Anyone who has AIM or AOL can IM you.
DDiabloMaster90: ... FUCK U YOU FUCKING PRICK DONT EVER FUCKING IM ME AGAIN

Other Anti-Sega Sites

Clean up your act Sega
An archive of an excellent but long dead site. One of the first Anti-Sega sites on the net this guy was actually once a Sega fan and a national video game champion. Then he saw the truth about Sega. Make sure to read his story.

THE Anti-Sega Website
Another Archive of one of the very first and best Anti-Sega websites. Most of the pages in this archive don't work but his history page still does which was always one of the best parts of the site. This site was the one that inspired me to work for so long on my own site and the webmaster helped me alot with some of my early Geocities pages. I don't know if your still out there, man, but I haven't forgotten you!

PSO for Grownups
An Angry PSO owner

Return to Index