I loved Phantasy Star on the SMS--read my review if you like. I ran out and bought Phantasy Star II when it was released in 1990...apparently I had forgotten that Zillion 2 sucked ass compared to the fantastic Zillion. Phantasy Star II wasn't that great. In point of fact, it just barely missed being branded as "totally sucking." I was 15 at the time. Fast-forward and rewind a touch to the summer of 2000. "Maybe you just didn't appretiate PS2 'cause you were too young," I told myself, contradicting the memory. So, I went out and bought Phantasy Star II, III, and IV. And, you know what? I was right the first time: PS2 does mostly suck, except that now, after Chrono Trigger, Earthbound, and Final Fantasy II, PS2 has graduated to the infamous "totally sucks" category.
-Evan Morris of Game Zero, Febuary 3, 2001

Awful Sega Games

Most Sega fans have no taste in video games what-so-ever. Actually, I should say that ALL Sega fans have that problem, otherwise they wouldn't be Sega fans. And because Sega fans wouldn't know a good game if it came up and bit them on the ass, they contantly tell me what "great" games Sega makes. Really? What most Sega fans forget is that for every half-way decent game Sega puts out, they make atleast five that are totally awful. Here are just a few of them...

Altered Beast
"The original Altered Beast is perhaps one of the most overrated releases in retrospect, as its legacy has built up over the years. Yet when you actually discuss the memorable and influential games of the Mega Drive era, it is rarely - if ever - mentioned. The gameplay in the original was extremely limited, and more often than not you just bypassed the incidental enemies to dash towards the next boss encounter (and many simply recall the game because it was given away free when you bought the machine). The Mega Drive version was simplistic, repetitive and shortlived - which begs the question: why the remake?"

Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg
"If the game has a redeeming quality, it's that the graphics are smooth and fast-moving, which should be par for the course for the Sonic developers. Otherwise, it's hard to imagine anybody but small children enjoying Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg."

Blue Stinger
"If Blue Stinger would have been presented in true survival horror fashion then it may have scored higher, but that isn't the case. I guess we'll have to wait for Resident Evil: Code Veronica to provide us with the horror experience Blue Stinger largely failed to deliver."

BUG!
"Premiering on the Saturn almost a year ago, Bug! was designed to show off the system's impressive 3-D capabilities while simultaneously delivering 'Mario-killing' gameplay. While the Sega Away Team certainly got the first part right, the little Italian Plumber had nothing to fear from this insect."

Confidential Mission
"If Sega's previous arcade light-gun games still hold appeal for you, this game may be right up your alley. However, those who have grown weary of rail-based light-gun action games will find little of value in Confidential Mission."

Crazy Taxi 3
"Hitmaker had to ask themselves this question - do we risk alienating fans by adding new, interesting features which could dilute the successful formula, or follow the same road as the previous titles. Unfortunately, Hitmaker have chosen the wrong path with Crazy Taxi 3."

Cyber Speedway
"You know, I can't really think of anything positive to say about this title. Graphics are grainy, play control is a bit sloppy (whatever the steering setting is), and good grief, when you go into internal view on your vehicle, all vehicle buyancy becomes a myth. Let's put it this way, I walked through every track in both difficulties ranking first on every track and it took me a grand total of one hour and fourty-five minutes to solve... and that was only because I replayed one level three times."

D2
"I have never, ever seen a story as stupid and pretentious as the one in D2. In the credits Eno thanks Hideo Kojima (famed Metal Gear Solid producer), yet nothing about D2 comes close to matching Kojima's masterpiece. That's sad, considering D2 has been in development for a much longer time and occupies more discs. Every once in a while we're treated to live footage of violence in the world while Mother Earth instructs Laura to do junk. Eno tries so hard to tie a political message into this tripe, but none of it connects. D2 is basically a bad, terrible, gut wrenchingly awful art film. With mutant aliens. And clones. And dinosaurs. And miracle makeup compacts."

Daytona USA Deluxe
"It's not that this title is bad, as there's nothing overwhelmingly disdainful about it. It's just that for anyone who's played a computer game since Night Driver, there's nothing here that hasn't been done countless times before, countless times better."

Dynamite Cop
"You can quickly blaze through the game in under a half hour, but there are three different paths to explore and Showdown mode, which makes the game more difficult. Still, it'll take you about two hours at the very most to see everything Dynamite Cop has to offer, and by then you'll be sick of playing the damn game since it's so repetitive and the continue (credit) system is unbalanced."

Eighteen Wheeler
"I can’t even recommend Eighteen Wheeler: American Pro Trucker as a rental, unless you plan on renting something else, too. You’ll be very upset after you’ve had it home for two hours and you’ve already cleared everything there is to be cleared. A couple rounds of the Versus mode will satiate that curiousity, and you’ll be back at the video store, hopefully before it closes."

Enemy Zero
"While Enemy Zero does evoke a fairly potent sense of dread, in the end it was the awkward snags in gameplay that I was dreading. More often than not, either the puzzles were too simple - like when the elevator isn't working and one of the switches in the power room down the hall is off - or completely random - like making the same videophone call 15 times before being allowed to leave a room. While the game does put an interesting spin on the first-person shooter, the ridiculous oversights and design flaws of the adventure component stifle what fun there is to be had."

Flag to Flag
"Perhaps the crowd is so silent because there are no crashes in Flag to Flag. There are bumps and stops, but it is impossible to spin out, even on the grass, and nary a single car break up or fiery crash."

Floigan Bros.
"In addition to the unchallenging puzzles and the game's brevity, the reliance on dull, simplistic minigames brings the whole experience down a notch."

Ghen War
"I had no idea what this game would be like, but after watching a 10 minute crappy movie scene, I knew it would be similar to the countless horrible Sega CD games."

Godzilla Generations Maximum Impact
"When the Dreamcast was originally released back on November 27th, 1998 one of the launch titles was the horrendous Godzilla Generations. Not only did the game pale in comparison to what the Dreamcast could do graphically, but it also was just a flat out boring game to play. Now, a year later, the big green lizard returns to the Dreamcast. This time, the game is a very generic rail shooter along the same lines as Panzer Dragoon."

Golden Axe: The Duel
"First, Sega gave us Golden Axe, and it was good; it was a top-selling side-scrolling slash-em-up with plenty of action, violence, and character. Next, Sega gave us Golden Axe II, and it was more of the same, but decent nonetheless. Then, Sega churned out Golden Axe III, and it was, uh, not that great. Even though gamers seemed to have had enough Golden Axe, Sega cranked out yet another title in the franchise, only this time in a one-on-one fighting game format."

Home Run King 2
"Home Run King 2 isn't recommendable, simply because it fails to deliver a decent batting experience. Elements of the game's presentation are excellent, but they lack a foundation of good gameplay on which to rest. Furthermore, the inclusion of two fictional batters does not measure up to the huge real-world player rosters licensed in other games."

House of the Dead III
"Simply put The House of the Dead is just one of those arcade games that plays best in an arcade. For £20 you’ll only be rewarded with a game that’ll last an hour at best. Even the bonus of unlocking House of the Dead II isn’t enough to save this title falling into obscurity on the PC."

July
"There are no puzzles and no real decisions to be made - you are forced through the story without ever having to make any real decisions or choices of your own. Most games of this type are linear, but few are as noninteractive as July."

Last Battle
"Otherwise, you're stuck doing things the hard... and slow... way. With all the mandatory labyrinth-trudging and punch/kick/punch/kick two-move battles, only the easily-amused folks shall find entertainment within!"

NFL '97
"The Saturn is weak in the sports genre outside of baseball. There were quite a few sports games developed for the system but many of them suffered from one problem or another. NFL '97 is another one of those games, but this one is one of the worst and will likely make you go 'Huh? Is this really a 32-bit game?'"

NHL All-star Hockey
"NHL All-Star Hockey may have been a victim of the Saturn's early release but a game this disappointing is simply unforgivable."

Scorcher
"It sure does sound like fun, but unfortunately it is not. Despite the seemingly original thrust, Scorcher is a very bland, dull, and oddly unoriginal racing game."

Sega Arcade Gallery
"All four games, in their time, were developed with one sole purpose; to extract money from its arcade audience. The best way to do that, in those days, was to make damned sure the games were over pretty quickly."

Sega Bass Fishing Duel
"The music sounds like bad porno music. Not ordinary porno music. Bad porno music. There are also both male and female voice actors that say things like, 'A big one's coming near! Be careful!' They are among the worst voice actors in any game, ever."

Sega Classics Collection
"Though if you wanted to put it plainly and, well, honestly, you could just say that these are 10 awful remakes of old Sega games that will only serve to infuriate their intended audience."

Sega Rally Championship
"Sega Rally only offers the player two cars to drive, has a clumsy interface, and lacks features common to even the least ambitious PC driving games."

Sega Smash Pack
"It pains Gamestyle to say it, but this compilation should never have gotten out of testing in the state it is in. How such a raft of glitches and mistakes and bugs got through the test phase defies reason. Coupled with these hardly being Sega's best efforts in the first place you'll have only scant reasons for hanging onto this one."

Sega Superstars
"If nothing else, this game only reminds you of how great Sega used to be, and makes you wonder why some of these great games and characters aren’t being utilized in a better way."

Sega Touring Car Championship
"For starters, the raw amount of gameplay content is shabby, with four cars and an uninspiring three tracks to race on. There are a few hidden items but nothing worthwhile. The arcade mode drags things out by including a time trial mode for the first race, where you attempt to qualify in under forty seconds. From there, you get to blast through three rather uninteresting tracks, and start wondering about what other games you could have spent your money on instead."

Shadow the Hedgehog
"If you've played previous 3D Sonic titles (Adventure 1 and 2 and Heroes) you'll know roughly what to expect: Linear levels that guide you straight forwards at all times, clumsy lock-on spin attacks, awkward jumping sections, a bad camera system, frame rate problems, ugly visuals and poor voice acting. Throw in some poor melee combat, shocking vehicle sections and a load of guns, and you have one of the messiest games Sega has ever released."

Sonic 3D Blast
"Though Sonic 3D Blast was designed to be the Sega Genesis's last hurrah, PC owners will find it an inherently underwhelming experience."

Sonic Shuffle
"Simply put, this game is no fun."

Spikeout: Battle Street
"Spikeout: Battle Street is trying very hard to kick it old-school. It hearkens back to a simpler time, when Final Fight and Streets of Rage were king, and walking around with the sole purpose of beating the living crap out of anyone in your way was the order of the day. Sounds cool, right? Unfortunately, this would-be renaissance is marred by a pretty serious problem. The game itself is lousy."

Time Stalkers
"With battles being the meat of randomly generated dungeon RPGs, what we have here is a very sad, archaic, flawed, coma-inducingly-plain battle system. Every battle option that we’d expect to see is here (fight, defend, spell, and so on), but there isn’t anything new that may help keep our attention when going into our 900th fight."

Undercover AD2025 Kei
"The developers had some talented minds among them - Arimasa Osawa, a popular novel writer in Japan, and Takashi Yoneda, who previously worked on Wonder Project J for the N64. The game looked pretty promising early on, but now that the game is on shelves, it's a complete and utter disappointment."

Virtua Quest
"Bad controls and camera problems. Fighting isn't very exciting. Cheesy voiceovers and terrible music."

Virtua Striker 2
"Worst of all are the unspeakable evils, so diabolical that the merest rose petal brush with a hinting of their existence irrevocably damages the persons so contaminated. They have the dangerous, malignant capacity to spread and destroy like a plague. Such nameless evils are, fortunately, rare and those who contact them usually have the wisdom to smash them immediately to tiny pieces, burn the pieces, ground the ashes to powder and bury the single grains of remaining carbon separately in the deepest darkest pits from whence they’ll never see the light of day, usually meeting their own heroic destruction by this selfless act. Virtua Striker 2 is just such an evil and there appears to have been no hero to contain it."

World Series Baseball 2K1
"This is one of the worst baseball games ever made and it embarrasses the Dreamcast in its rookie season."

Yoot Tower
"There is so little change from SimTower, it is questionable why Yoot Tower was even released - especially considering that the original was rather disappointing to begin with."

Zombie Revenge
"Programming a gunshot or a haymaker shouldn't be rocket science. Unfortunately, it evidently is within some parts of Sega Product Development."

A Brief FAQ

I've been doing this long enough to know when I'm about to piss off alot of Sega fans and this is one of those times. To launch a suprise attack on the flood of hate mails I'm about to receive I've added this brief FAQ to the bottom of this page to anwser some of the questions I expect to be assaulted with. This is not to be confused with my real FAQ, which contains only real questions I have received from Sega fans in the past.

Q: Hey! Those games weren't made by Sega! D2, for example, was developed by Warp!
A: EVERY game on this list was either developed OR published by Sega. Most of the games were also on Sega consoles.

Q: WAIT A MINUTE! You claimed it wasn't an arguement when "Smart" from Sega Universe pulled this same stunt and sent you a bunch of links to reviews of games!
A: The links "Smart" sent were to reviews of games that WERE NOT developed or published by Sega and were only Dreamcast games. As stated above, all the games on this list were at a minimum published by Sega and they are across a multitude of Sega platforms as well as the PC and a few handheld systems. I think there may have been one or two PS2 or Xbox games but they were still published by Sega. Sega Universe will soon have its name changed to just plan old "Universe."

Q: All you did was find one bad review of a few games. What does that prove?
A: First of all, this isn't just a FEW bad reviews. There are over forty bad reviews on this page. Secondly, I found these bad reviews by going to Game Rankings and looking up the Sega games with the lowest scores. So for every game on this list there isn't just one bad review out there, there are MANY bad reviews. I just choose the review with the best quote.

Q: Yeah, but what does that prove?
A: It wasn't meant to prove anything. The list is meant to DISprove the common Sega fan arguement that Sega is still a good company because they make good games. Clearly this logic is faulty if I can find a huge list of games Sega made that were clearly awful.

Q: WHAT!? "Game X" was a great game! How could you ever say it wasn't!?
A: Hey! Don't tell me, I didn't write any of these reviews. If you disagree, you will need to go to Game Rankings and contact every person who gave the game a bad review and ask them to change it.

Q: Sega is still the best company ever!
A: Okay, So we have established that Sega's hardware sucks. And now we know that their software sucks too. So what have they ever done that didn't suck?

Update: November 26, 2005.

Apparently this FAQ did its job. The only comment I got was from Smart of the website formerly known as Sega Universe. And he just repeated one of the questions on this FAQ word for word, which shows he read it but obviously didn't understand.